15/10

it has been a hectic and unusual day..... I never knew I could experience so many emotions within a day. Confusion and headache when memorizing sejarah, relieved after the exam, exhausted during tuition, peaceful when I was sleeping, happiness when I saw my brother came back from Kuching, grateful, joyous and fun when celebrating my mum's 50th birthday with all my family members united, and grief of the lost of a friend.

还有四天我就正式的十七岁了。说真的，我不是很想这么快度过我的sweet sixteen，而且不懂为什么最近一直感慨时间流逝，and the fact that I'm getting older and older with every second passed. I know it's the Law of Nature to grow old but... sometimes I just wish how time could stop that that very moment of time when I was young, gleeful and worry-free.  How ironic it is for human eh? Always hoping that we could grow up faster while we were children so that we can do whatever we want like going out with friends, drive a car, hop on a roller coaster without the need of worrying the age and height limit... yet as we grow older, 我们却后悔小时候没有好好把握那单纯美好的时光。长大了，有了自由却失去欢乐，更想回到当年没有自由却充满欢乐的时候。

今天早上做完考卷后，我开始回想我在去年和十六岁生涯里所发生的事。说真的，如果能给我的那段时光做一个theme,我会选择Love. 去年的我基本上没读到什么书。谈了三场恋爱，一次比一次失败。第一场，付出的爱得不到回报。第二场，爱我时我不爱，不爱我时我却爱上了他，阴差阳错的错过了。第三场，遭到背叛。在两年内谈三场恋爱，不是我花心，我自认每一段都有真心的付出。我只能说，爱神并没在守护着我，或者都是我的 bad luck in relationships在作祟。现在，在几个好朋友无数次的劝勉，在感情里遇到无数次的伤害,欺骗后，我开窍了。寻找爱情，不过是想要在无聊的夜晚有个人陪。有人说过“爱情，要等它找上你，而不是你找它” 我想，这是对的吧。长大了，要懂事了，不可以再轻易坠入感情，让自己受到伤害了。所以，我答应自己在三年内不可以交往，直到上大学后。朋友，要为我加油 =]

十七岁的我，想做什么？首先，是先把这欠扁的SPM解决掉。再来，和我的一群死党疯狂的享受我们还能聚在一起的时刻。还有，考完华语的隔天我要去拉直头发（妈咪终于让我拉了），换掉这陪伴我多年的发型。接着，去打耳洞。虽然我很想在出去读书后偷偷去弄一个刺青，但有些朋友说这可能是个sin，所以.... 仍在考虑当中。脱胎换骨般的改变，是有原因的。想要为生命翻开新的一章，开始新的生活。不用怕，如果一天你在街上看到我却认不出，我一定会叫住你的 =]

最后，我只能说---考sejarah的时间真的不需要那么长！！ 长到我都可以回想过去和plan好我未来想做的事！ = =  很夜了...  只想结束这累人的一天...  hope tonight can have a nice, peaceful sleep....

p/s: Happy birthday mamie! thanks for giving birth to me, raised me and being there for me through thick and thin. I love you always and forever <3 muackx!