ღUTP Dear's B'day~~ღ

今天   很特别
因为..... 是我UTP的 dear dear 的生日  ♥  ♥  ♥

有人十九岁了咯    酱老  xD
本来说好每个人写一张纸条  放在那个罐罐里

等你有空的时候拿出来看的

可是没办法   本小姐太多话讲

所以....  就写在这个 Blog

给你慢慢看   :D

在进入正题前

我要先跟你讲   准备你的生日有多麻烦！

本来要买 Badminton Bag 给你

结果我才要买的那天晚上就看到你背着一个

问你   你说叫JiaQi 买了！ = =

Ok 咯

过后我就上网买手表     LED 的

因为我记得第一次去怡保的时候

你说过你真的很想要一个LED的手表

买了     你又跟我说

‘呃，不要买手表给我！我不会带的！你买几支100 Plus 或 Hot dog给我就可以了！’

............

过后就到Group的礼物

本来.... 要买Sports Bra 给你的 xD!!
可是你生日前几天  又跟我说你穿的跑鞋不适合打羽球

结果  颖萍已经在Parade 准备买 Sports Bra 了

我还要赶进打电话给她叫她不要买

因为  我想准备一个

你很需要用到   而且能用很久的礼物

过后   因为要问你脚的Size

就直接打给你   说你生日前一天

要抓你出去买鞋

你又说这里卖的东西都骗人钱的   不要去

唉....真是被你气死了

眼看你的生日要到了

什么东西都还没准备好

而且  本来早就想好要怎样耍你

而且想到的那晚还兴奋到睡不着觉那种 LOL

结果到最后每个人都说  

很忙   很累

所以不能玩你了

真的很失望叻

但过后想下   不要紧

先告诉你我会Kacau你 让你预料我随时会整你

到最后却没有整你.....   这也算是整人的一种技术啊 hahaha~
直到你生日前三晚

终于让Eileen想到要送你什么

你什么都不缺    就缺钱

所以.....

就送钱！xD!!!

特别吧~~

一想到这个Idea  我和Eileen赶进去准备你的礼物

你知不知道   为了你的礼物

光是跟她们收钱   收她们的祝福语

还有折那些钱成不同的形状

我花了整整两天   而且连功课都还没做的那种(是我懒惰啦 :P)

有没有很感动！！ xD

只希望   这个生日礼物

能够让你毕生难忘

还有还有   我还买了啤酒

准备给你吃Pizza的时候享用的

你看~  是不是设想周到？？

所以以后要对我好一点   懂不懂？？ xP

ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ

好了啦    到正经事了

第一次见到你   

是我第一天来UTP的时候

那时要去吃晚餐

看到Eileen和几个人一起   有一个还染头发的

然后那个染发的一见到我就说

“嗨！我是紫芊！我Korea来的Exchange Student!”

= =.......

第一天而已就给你炸到   哈哈哈哈哈

之后再跟你相处   是我们一起搭巴士去怡保

和跟Ong她们一起驾车去怡保

那时才觉得   原来你人怪是怪了点

其实也蛮好的 

:)

虽然认识你不到一年
可是跟你真的很 ngam 叻

讲真    UTP里的人一个个都那么注重学业

只有你才会陪我玩

只有你才会陪我癫

陪我耍幼稚   xP

虽然我喜欢一个人独处的时间

但  我更珍惜有人陪我一起疯的时候

你知道么   很多疯狂的‘第一次’

都是因为有你配合   才能实行的

要不然

我早就被这里沉闷的生活   闷死了  > <
还有 还有

认识你下    我每次去KL

才有免费的住宿    免费的家常菜给我吃

还有Driver载我和带去玩

真的是赚到    xD

和你有许多美好和疯狂的回忆

第一次租车出去玩   

第一次聊天聊通宵

第一次在朋友家过夜

第一次和朋友半夜驾车去看戏  吃McD早餐

我生日的时候   陪了我一整天  还帮我扫完我的蛋糕

当每个人都很静的时候  跟你两个人High

跟你看照片看整夜

跟你一起在那边唱Misery的Oh Yeah~ （还加麦舞步xD)

还有你的 Ting ka Ting     Turn Around~~

还有跟你 Dok chi dok chi
你是我唯一一个在这大学里

能够教我读书   陪我打球   又和我一起玩的人

真的很庆幸   能够认识到你

你能够将你的心事  和你的过去跟我分享

也是我的荣幸   x)

dear dear啊    长大了

我知道你一向来都蛮懂事的

但   我们不可以再那么Spontaneous做事了

是时候想想做一件事后  会发生的后果

还有   那份牛脾气

是时候改了~

我明白被人说自己是错的时候 

会很不甘愿    因为我也是酱   xD

可是别人也是出于好意才告诉我们

所以要学习听别人的意见   虚心领受~

还有还有   不要整天酱晚睡   吃到酱不健康

对身体很不好的

关心你    不是我啰嗦

是因为   

你这个朋友   我可是要认识一辈子的

可不希望你以后七老八十了

比我早升天   因为你年少的时候吃不健康   xD

hmm....

还有

I know you're struggling to meet the ends between badminton training and keeping up with your studies and probably family matters

But if you're tired and you feel like you couldn't handle it anymore

Must remember to take a break from all of these ya

Don't force yourself to cope with all this shit

Or if you need someone to talk to or to spill your troubles out

Must turn to your friends ya

I'm sure they're all willing to lend a hand for you even though they always bully you xD

And if you ever ever need a shoulder to lean on 

or simply need a hug

remember I am always here for you too ya :) 

嗯..... 

我想说的   应该就这样吧 

在 End 这个 Blog 之前

I just want you to know that

I am really, really thankful to Whoever that brought such a good companion like you into my life

I know sometimes I'm alot to handle, especially when I'm being a moody bitch

but thanks for staying around

and with that I will cherish our friendship

because some friendships are meant to sail forever x)

Your pressie~~ x)

Two stupid girls making funny faces in Pavillion~

Taken before Christmas at 1 Utama~ I look so cute in this pikcha! :D

Love you always~ My 'dok chi dok chi' dear~ ღ ღ

Loooooong train ride(2)

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard that the next stop would be Kampar. Sighed really loudly. Suddenly thought of my family, again. Especially my mother. I really miss her. Tell the 14-year-old me I'll get so attached to her when I get to Uni, I bet that younger version of me would laugh hysterically and say u're damn crazy. I use to despise my mum. So much that once I got over the line and said I wish I was never born in this household because it sucked and because I have her as my mum. It was a hard slap on my face that I would never, ever forget in my entire life.... But anyways. Here I am. Missing her dearly even though I'd just seen her 2 hours ago when she sent me to the railway station. I thought of how hard it must have been to bring up us three kids. How dramatic our family life has been. Maybe not as dramatic as others. But hey, every household has their own problems, right? Then I thought of my father. How I use to be closer to him when I was young. How he would always piggy-back- ride me until I got way too old to be carried around. How i use to hold his hand and squeeze it tightly just because it makes me feel secure and safe. How everytime he went travelling and came back with lots of cool stuffs for me and my bro n sis. How now that I'm older I realized that I never really tell him about my life and he never tells me his. How our only conversation revolves around family matters, politics and the occasional advices to help steer my way in life. Now that I think of it, I'm so much more in common with my dad than my mum. Not only look-wise, but also personality-wise. Once I stumbled upon my dad's personal voice recordings of his daily activities. I never knew my dad was under so much stress. He always keep everything in his heart, not telling anyone. Not even mum. He doesn't really seem to care about us, but I know we meant the whole world to him. He has always been the idol of mine. Smart (top-student in class), used-to-be athletic (went Volleyball competition in overseas), good in management, good in socializing (haves tonnes of friends whose willing to give a helping hand whenever he has problems from all over the world...) and he was really handsome when he was younger :D my mum told me all the girls in their University swoon all over him whenever he plays volleyball, but he only got his eyes set on my mum anyway *how sweet*.

Then I thought about my brother. How we're almost like strangers now. I use to be closest to him even though we always fight with each other. Mainly coz he's the only one who bothers to entertain me and plays with me and gives me all these cool things to play ( which at the end turns out I have to do something for him in order to play these things). I remember how he use to pay me 50 cents to scratch his back at night before we sleep. Or how he lets me draw something on his back and he could guess straight away what I was drawing or writing. Then he went to college and I got older.... then somewhere along the way we drifted apart. I don't even know what to say to him now. Not awkward, just silence. Tbh, I'm jealous to see him interacting with my cousins better than with me. I mean, I'm his sister. We have the same blood in us. I made an effort of finding him occasionally, but he almost always ignore me. I hate it. I hate how he never tries to contact us family members, never making an effort to maintain our family bond. and now how he chooses his girlfriend over mum. How could he do that? Whenever I hear mum sobbing at the other end of the phone I just..... my heart breaks. Why things have to be complicated? Then there's this thing about him spending money too generously. Yes my family is not rich, but we could get by our lives leisurely without any financial worries. But when he went to UK for his 3 months degree training, things got a little bit out of hand. I don't blame him for sightseeing across the whole Europe, but he caught up with this stupid expensive hobby-- Collecting original "Hard Rock" t-shirts from different countries. And then he received an iPad from his girlfriend's  mum. My mum was so angry that she banked in rm2000 to his account and told him "Give back the money. I don't want you to owe her family anything." And by that time I just enrolled in my college Inti and my sis was preparing to go for her Masters in Germany. My mum kept on asking me not to worry, but I know it's getting hard for them to support three of us with two overseas. So as usual I have to be the 'smart-enough-to-do-the-right-thing' child. When Petronas called me and said that I'd receive the scholarship, I was shocked and in disbelieve and sad. I really don't wanna leave my frens in Inti. I called my parents and they said they will respect my choice, no matter what it is. But I really wanna lift the financial pressure away from them.... so here I am. Not that I'm complaining, coz now I look back it was the right thing to do. but still I wish my brother would have been more sensible. See, that's the problem. He doesn't contact us. He doesn't care. He doesn't know anything and he is oblivious to what might be happening to our family but instead he's more concerned with my cousin's family coz he's living under their roof now. sigh..... Why does it have to be so complicated.......

Back to Uni safe and sound after hopping on a cab I called earlier on. The driver was nice, chinese. Said call him Uncle Lau. told me stories of his passengers which mostly are UTP students like me. Got to my room, throw everything on the floor. Tidy up a few things. Went to bath. Lie on bed, missing my family again yet too tired to think of anything else. Think of how I'd just wasted hours thinking useless things without any answers. (And now wasting even more time to write this stupid blog out coz I just had to).  Stuff my ears with earphone and drown myself into songs. Phone shuffles to "Always look on the bright side of life" by Monty Python. Think that no matter how hard life seems to be, maybe it will come around itself without the need of you worrying it. Close eyes and finally succumbed to my exhaustion.

Loooooong train ride(1)

(Wrote this a week ago. Found out that I'm only halfway through so thought I'd finish and post it today)

The moment I turned my back towards my family, as I walked down the stairs towards my ride back to my Uni... I don't know why I feel this sudden urge of sadness. Have you ever felt that feeling when your heart feels a twinge of sourness and suddenly your eyes stung with tears? Yeah.... that's it. I don't even know why, I mean, I've done this before. Turning and never looking back. Hundreds of times, even. Always going to kl to meet my parents during weekends then going back to UTP after 2 or 3 days. There's nothing different with this time.... but why is it so damn hard?

As I found my seat and plonked down on the chair, I started to think about what happened these few days. I don't know why, I'm so easily angered these days. It's like this surge of anger coursing through my veins, sending my whole body into a dangerous hum, going to explode anytime soon. Not hot-tempered, just... angry. Angry at everything, everyone. How one small thing could easily trigger my imaginary bomb and snap my nerves into halves. Like how someone in facebook challenged me in one of the comments on my status, and I went posting things about not to mess with the wrong girl (obviously, I'm talking abt me) if not I'll make his life like hell. Not that I would really do that.... but still. It's easier to put up a tough exterior to scare people off than letting people get behind your back and walk all over you. Then there's this international student finding me through facebook chat. I didn't saw his msg until he sent a 2nd message--"Do you know it's rude to ignore ppl when a person finds you? you girls are weird" I mean, wtf. Like, seriously. WTF. I didn't do anything wrong, did I? So this surge of anger inside me took over my mind and hands again when I retort a not-so-friendly-reply to him.... and there he was. Flipping me off. What is wrong with that person? What is wrong with the previous person who was purposely looking for a fight from me? What is wrong with me?? I don't like this new person in me. Especially when this person flips at her friends whenever she feels impatient or irritated. I was never this kind of person back in secondary school. You know, I used to be the one who "has no limits, never retort back or get angry in front of ppl", in other words, I'm easily bullied. Always called around to do things or help ppl out. Always there... always so eager to please people. And now I'm the one asking people to do things for me and always treating my friends like shit. Sigh... I guess I could never find a balance between this two personalities. Always shifting between these two unhealthy ends...

And then there's another problem. I'm losing concentration. I'm easily distracted. I can't seem to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes before my mind drifts to someplace else. and this is serious. Especially towards my academic progress. I'm seriously slacking behind in my studies, and I find it hard to get it back on track. Luckily I have helpful coursemates to help me out. If not.. I'm not even sure that I'll survive through this semester. There's just soo many things swirling around in my head, tangling up all my thoughts... making my head a whirl round of mess. How one thing leads my thought to something else, without any real connection between them. and how it takes me more time to switch it back to what I'm supposed to be focusing on. I'm constantly tired ( which mostly contributes to the way i get irritated easily) no matter how long I slept the night before. I feel down most of the times that sometimes I feel like having depression or something. Which I don't think I have. or do I?... Nah... I don't think so. Anyways. It's throwing my life off balance. and I hate imbalance ( typical libra lol). Gotta find back the 'kick' I had for the last two sem before things get too out of control...

Still in train. Almost reaching my destination. Which I do NOT look forward to it. I enjoy doing this. travelling by your own, no need to entertain anyone. Just let yourself get lost in your own thoughts without caring that you might be ignoring your friend or a travelling mate. It allows me to think. like now, obviously. Think... searching for answers. Sometimes I get lucky enough to find the answers I want, but on the bad days I don't. And this is one of those days. No answers, just lots and lots and lots of thoughts filling up my mind, making it almost hurtful to use my brain at all. No wonder I can't seem to squeeze anything I'd learned in lectures into my head, not when all my brain cells are used up by all this stupid useless thoughts. Oh, and one thing about travelling alone. You never know who you'll meet on your trip. An emo teenager who's too caught up by his or her thoughts to notice me; A busy businessman who keeps on checking his smartphone for mails; An aunty going some place to visit her child; A traveller who is stuck in Malaysia due to some procedure problems; or, if you get reeeaaally lucky, a wise person who has enough free time to give you advices on life. Met one once, at KL Sentral when I was waiting for my parents to pick me up to Genting. Would never forget that experience. :)

第一次...(上）

 两年了
这两年来
每次想起你
就会浮现出  很多 很多的疑问
等了那么久....
终于鼓起勇气     问到了答案


还记得第一次遇见你
是在学校礼堂旁     一间小小的 music room
那时choir audition
没想到第一次相遇
你就要在我面前唱歌
而且还唱得五音不全    哈哈哈
从此以后
我和我的朋友  都叫你‘那个走音的’
因为我们不懂你的名字 xD


再一次接触
是在pengawas camp
不懂干吗
那时总觉得    你在针对我  = =
有空没空都叫我站起来回答问题
或则一直kacau我的队
像不要让我赢酱 > <
结果    到最后一天了
当我还想着
‘终于完了~不用再看到那走音的人的脸了~’
准备回家时
你却突然匆忙地冲下楼来追着我
然后气喘呼呼地
跟我要电话号码


.......
你知道么
这是我   第一次
有男生那么坦率的跟我要号码
........


之后
我们几乎每天都在玩信息
到了第三天
你就打电话给我
这也是  我第一次
跟一个不是很熟的男生
聊了一整个小时
........


我真的很佩服你
能够每天都打给我
而且每一次  都聊到超过一个小时
你
真的很好很好    好到我有点受宠若惊
我说饿了  就在45分钟内打包东西送到我家给我吃
我烦 伤心  失望
就唱歌给我听
因为知道我一定会笑你的歌声
说  ‘只要你开心就好’
和你聊天   困了
就哼摇篮曲给我听
直到确定我睡着了（你讲话我不应你）
才偷偷说句 “晚安笨笨，希望今晚你会梦到我噢。muackx.”
以为我听不到
其实    我只是不出声而已 xD
这
也是第一次
有这么一个人  对我那么体贴
.........


最难忘的
应该就是我的16岁生日吧
一大早就抓我出去
9点去parkson    店都没开完  = =
记得我们无聊到跑去书店
知道你讨厌英语   说很难学
可是要考muet了
就随便捉一本小孩子的书
开始和你一人一面    念起故事来  哈哈哈哈
要走的时候  你还很可爱却又扮正经的问我
可以牵我的手吗
笑死我了
到了晚上  你也出席我的生日会
说真的   那次的生日会   真的让我很气
幸亏有你帮我  不然我真的会疯掉 = =
好了之后  你说要给我一个惊喜
载我到百盛对面的那个公园
然后   就在车上
唱“世界唯一的你” 给我听
然后一只手握着我的手   另一只拿你写好的稿在那里念 (啊哈哈哈哈哈！）
接着又拿起一个小小的心型蛋糕唱生日歌给我听
给我一张你说你第一次自己做的生日卡
和一个很特别的夜灯   说我照亮你的世界
当时的我   真的很感动  很感动
现在想起来  真的好像拍戏酱   哈哈
..........
这是第一次
有人   那么用心地  跟我告白
也是第一次
有人面对面  亲口对我说
我爱你
..........


我们在一起了
那一段时间  我真的很开心
有空没空一起去游Sibu
到处乱逛   找好料吃
在学校  当我下课要on duty
你怕我没时间去食堂买东西吃
就把你的食物分一半给我
还叮嘱我一定要吃
说放学时看到我没吃的话  我就死定了
我乖乖的吃了
虽然我知道  就算我不吃   你也不舍得对我怎样   <3
考试了
我们俩每天跑到图书馆泡
成绩出来  你的muet考得不错  开心死了
虽然那时我的成绩很好
可是你还是坚持说我是笨笨 > <
之后  放假了
你说胖了  我教你打Squash
我说想学吉他    你说想见我多一点
就说好我教你钢琴   你教吉他
每个拜一拜三拜五来我家
结果 你钢琴只学那么一次
就不学了 真没恒心哈哈
但却每次都准时到我家   教我吉他
第一次学做蛋糕
你成了我的白老鼠
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
幸亏我做得蛮成功下
你说好吃    我不信
结果你竟然把它吃完了= =!!!




.........
第一次感觉到  原来谈恋爱可以那么幸福
..........